Random Thoughts, Part 2

Uh oh. Here comes the over-sentimentality. I lived for too long thinking that the people in my life had better things to do than deal with me. I was an observer, a boy in a bubble, floating above civilization, looking at all the strange and wonderful things happening below. But I somehow felt that I did not deserve to be among them.

How asinine. I actually layed down in my bed a couple of months ago and tried to feel sorry for myself, as I would have done those years ago. After a few minutes, I felt ridiculous. Before, I would have stayed in bed the whole of the day, get up, shower (sometimes) and go to work. I would repeat this routine for months at a time. Whatever small flickering flames of life that arose within me I quickly doused. How fucking stupid. Now I cannot imagine how I ever could have done such a thing.

I have made at least some small semblance of an effort to reach out to all of the people I have cared about in my life. Through emails and Facebook and phonebooks I have gotten in touch with almost everyone I would ever want to be in touch with. And while I am still adjusting to this new lifestyle of, well, talking to people, it is encouraging that not one person has told me to fuck off. No one has said, "Where have you been all this time?" Mostly, my replies have been more along the lines of, "It's good to hear from you, buddy." There have even been some "I love you"s thrown in here and there. Wow! I know now, at the very least, that I have fine judgement in choosing my friends. It is an undeserved honor to be able to call them so.

And so it goes with much of my life now. My career is finally starting to blossom, however small the increments. My coworkers are like family. I was looking up and down the payroll list, and I discovered I have at least some kind of relationship with nearly every employee in the building! Some closer than others, of course, but it is amazing that I can speak familiarly with each and every one. I am absolutely blessed. This is not an easy situation to find in one's work environment. And I am so proud of them, as well! Our staff is full of thoughtful, positive people from all walks of life. Some are winding down their careers, some are housewives, and mothers, some are just beginning their journeys. They all have unique hopes and dreams. It really is a dream to work with these people.

All of these people in my life support me in every endeavor I undertake. Every time I think I have overstepped, or reached too far, they are encouraging me and patting me on the back. I may have trouble finding someone to go out for coffee with, but I have learned that is not what makes a friend. My friends are honest and sincere, and when they advise me they keep my interests in mind. Fucking amazing.

So for those of you reading this who know me, thank you, thank you, thank you. My gratitude is ongoing and never-ending.