Smile Like You Mean It

Aaaaaahhhhhh! That's better. Today actually turned out better than I could have hoped. First, I received a call from my car dealership saying that my Jeep is ready to go, at no cost to me. Yes, I LOVE that phrase! Today, I also managed to eat a healthy meal and not spill anything on myself.

I just got back from the gym a while ago. I had been invited to a party, and I wanted to say yes, because it doesn't happen often, and I am afraid I won't be invited next time if my reputation becomes affixed to the word "no." But I knew that if anyone placed a drink in front of me, my workout would be shot to hell (no pun intended). Have you ever tried to work out while hammered (WOWH, for the acronym inclined)? I don't think I have ever tried it, but it does present an interesting scenario.

I can see myself there on the treadmill, hanging desperately to the handlebars as my feet continually find themselves precariously close to the Point of No Return. My face is blush red, my mouth is hanging open and my eyes are lolling about. The dude next to me probably thinks I'm on acid. In the meantime, since i didn't have the presence of mind to bring a water bottle, I am constantly licking my lips trying to find some remote drop of saliva. I'm parched. Next thing I know, I'm over there trying to lift weights. I don't recognize myself in the gym's mirror, so I think it's really funny to see the fat guy with a five pound dumbbell in one hand and a fifty-pounder in the other. What IS he thinking? I ask this out loud. I realize my doom only as the fifty-pounder come crashing down on my toe. I look at it for about 30 seconds, not quite comprehending, before leaping about like a crazed madman. I am then kicked out of the gym and told never to come back.

So I decided against going to the party.

I felt pretty damn good coming out of the gym. As usual, the first 30 minutes on the treadmill were the toughest. I have to conjure up everything motivational I could summon........ everything that annoys me or makes me angry or anything that I love. You have to be quick to the gun with these thoughts. If the motivation from thinking about the asshole who ruined your day at work suddenly wears out, you have to have another one ready to take its place. I wonder what the expressions on my face must look like? All this tribulation and I even had added about 50 new songs to my MP3. I skipped to all the hard songs for the first 30 minutes: Bulls on Parade, Suck My Kiss, What's the Frequency, Kenneth?

but once I got going, I did fairly well. For the first time in my life, I'm hitting the weights seriously. My arms and shoulders feel like rubber at the moment. Walking out to my car, I was hunched over, head down, trembling and shuffling my feet along the ground. This had better be worth it. I've always seen big musclemen and stared in awe....... not at their muscles, but at their stoic, emotionless sense of imperviousness. I wonder if I'll ever feel this way. Already, I can feel my biceps bulging a bit, and yes(!), it does feel a bit like body armor. My fat never felt that way!

The good feelings lasted until I got home. I stopped on the way and picked up a Starbuck's iced mocha, as I usually do after my workouts. I stepped in the bathtub for a nice warm shower-bath to relax a little, and......... then i saw my belly. It STILL looked like something that's served at the dinner table at Thanksgiving. This process of weight loss is painfully slow. Nevertheless, I WILL be back at the gym tomorrow night, all for an hour or so of validation followed by yet another realization of how far I have to go.

Now, I mentioned shower-baths a moment ago. Even if you didn't want to know, this is one of two things that relax me more than anything else. first off, if you are going to try this, I suggest washing yourself completely before putting the stopper in the drain. It's such a wonderful, private place to be: locked in the bathroom, a cauldron of steam rising over the shower curtain, and a tub full of water. It's almost like sitting in a hot spring with a waterfall falling all over you. Odd? I don't know, but I can't seem to kick the habit.

My other guilty pleasure is driving. It's amazing really how alone you can be driving in your car, especially with the music turned up a little. I prefer going on these mini-road trips at night, when I can be even more anonymous. daytime driving is fun too, though. I always seem to notice something different every time I drive through some back-country town: the shadows from the trees, the cars in the yard, the horses out on the pasture. I am a creature of non-habit. I love the unknown variables. I love seeing what is in store for me around the bend. And I love singing in the car! I wonder if anyone ever sees me singing, as loud as I can, "Reeeeeedddddd Raaaiiiinnnn, pouring down, pooouuurrrring down all over me." I don't really pay attention to other drivers. I feel like it's kind of an invasion of privacy. But I am sure I must look awfully funny.

So right now i am listening to You Get What You Give by The New Radicals. "if you feel your dream is dying hold tight, you've got the music in you." Could have been a great band if they stayed together. I REALLY wish I knew how to put little music notes on the computer screen. I will have to find a template that's music-themed and figure out how to put a soundtrack on here. I am soooooo green when it comes to blogging! If anyone with any knowledge of blogging happens across this post, suggestions are welcome!

So, I guess that's all for tonight. There was one other thing I wanted to talk about, but it doesn't really fit the mood at the moment. It's been a fine day, and I wish all of you sweet dreams tonight.