I have discovered that I have at least a slight fetish for Garden Salsa Sun Chips. Mmmm...yum. Ok, so let's check out the nutrition facts. 210 calories, 80 calories from fat (yikes!), 240 mg sodium, 29 g total carbs. Brutal. Oh, and add that on to the free pizza from Passport, a Friday night Courtyard tradition - the guy just brings one by - it's like Santa Claus coming to town. I wouldn't be surprised to find my self and my coworkers start gazing out the window around six o'clock looking for his car in anticipation of being fed.

Speaking of food, my weight loss is coming along painfully slowly. I've lost fifty pounds, but it seems like it should be more, since I keep having to cut extra holes in my belt. The weight lifting, I think, may actually turn me into a football player yet, much to my dismay. It sure does feel good though, going to the gym. I am not yet sure what it's going to get me. A reasonable weight seems a long ways away to me. At the very least, I know that I will be able to cross off some items on my bucket list (shhhhhhhh........ don't tell my cardiologist).

So, I guess, honestly, it's been a really tough couple of weeks. I really do try every day to follow my mantra of live, laugh, love, labor. But it's easier said than done. I get down when the world doesn't agree with me. I doubt, I question, I feel lonely at times. My expectations of myself are enormous. I think it's those times when you really have to believe in yourself, to have a little faith in what you are trying to accomplish. I try to reinforce myself through everything that I love - music, working out, my friends....... but really, it has to come from inside of you...... that part of you that makes you know you are not a tool to be used, the part that is confident enough to reject the bullocks, the part that is humble enough to reevaluate and alter the path if need be.

You have to find a way to smile like you mean it. And everything else for that matter. No need to go half-ass about anything at all. Love like you mean it. Kiss like you mean it. Write like you mean it. Whatever. Just MEAN IT!

My wish for you tonight - I hope you like my new blog scheme and colors. And I now have 120 songs on my playlist! Only eighty more to go!